"You have black folks calling in on the Republican line, independents. And you have so many of 'em I can't believe this is just an accident. If you keep on with the way you've been programming, you should change your name from C-Span to black-span..."
-Racist Jack Off (R)
Seriously? Honestly, I should be thanking you because your little complaint highlights a very real and ugly side to our country. And the best part of it is, like all ignorant racist douche bags, you couldn't even approach being clever about it. "Black-span"? That's the best you could come up with? Now if you said they ought to change their name to UPN that might of softened your troglodyte message with a little humor, but I suppose nuance is a bit to grasp for someone whose family tree doesn't branch out.
The next time somebody claims that America is post-racial I can always refer them to this site and have them click the "racism" tag and find evidence on the contrary, in the form of you.
Congratulations, this truly is unprecedented for more than one person, let alone an entire state, to recieve this prestigious award. Pat yourselves on the back, you've earned it. Honestly, you really screwed the pooch on this one. Not only did you screw millions of uninsured Americans out of a chance of recieving at least mediocre healthcare reform, but you also helped to validate an AstroTurf political group which bolstered the bat shit insane claims that the President of United States:
- is a secret Muslim.
- is not really an American at all, but a *gasp* Kenyan.
- is really a communist... And also a fascist... Somehow...
- is secretly planning to kill your grandmother.
- caused the country to go into recession even though this happened during his predecessor's watch.
- is trying to take our guns away even as a religiously insane man walks within a block of a Presidential Townhall meeting with A LOADED AR-15 and ISN'T ARRESTED!!!
- Really is a racist who hates white people, even though his mother and grandparents where white.
You helped to legitimize this group and this talking point will echo throughout their news "news" channel for months to come. Meanwhile you elected a guy who:
- has already stated he will block healthcare reform.
- gained noteriety posing as a nude centerfold in the 80's.
- is opposed to regulating the derivative traders, banks, and Wall Street sociopaths that caused this recession in the first place.
And I thought Californians were stupid for electing an action movie star governor. Thanks for making my state not look as stupid. I really do thank you for that, but as for the rest... Please don't take this the wrong way, but fuck you!!!
"...And I think we have got to get serious about catching terrorists, not just catching weapons. I‘m waiting for the terrorist who knows kung fu or something that gets on an airplane without a weapon. God knows what that is going to be like."
-Chris Matthews
Wow, two days into the new year and decade... Ambitious for a douche.
I have never really liked Chuck Norris: he has too much back hair, can't act for shit, uses karate, and is apparently nuttier than squirrel shit. As if backing Mike Huckabee in last year's election wasn't enough, he has been wanking poetic on World Nut Daily about how great the "nonpartisan" 9/12 movement is. But if that wasn't enough, he now thinks the "patriotic" thing to do is to... well... desecrate the flag? WTF?!?
As 9/12 concluded, we all heard many ways to keep this revolutionary movement going. But I was sitting back thinking there's one way we can take a daily stand and declare that, as for my me and my house, we will serve God and the republic as the founders did.
If that describes you, then I suggest you fly some revolutionary flag in lieu of your 50 star flag over the next year or so. Post the 13-star Betsy Ross flag, Navy Jack or Gadsden flag ("Don't Tread On Me") or any representation that tells the story of Old Glory and makes a stand for our founders' vision of America.
Yes, back to the good ole days when slavery was legal...
Of course patriots know that the 50 stars flag truly represents one nation under God and our founders' republic, but modernists simply don't get it.
I thought the 50 star flag stood for the fifty states in the union, you know, that thing numerous speakers and supporters of that tea-bagging movement have openly endorsed succeeding from? Oh, and "Under God" wasn't added to the Pledge of Allegiance until 1954. Not to mention our founding fathers had nothing to do with it. Do yourself a favor Chuck and Google the author of it, Francis Bellamy, a... wait for it... SOCIALIST!!! Of course, being a modernist, I just don't get any of it.
So what do you say we make a statement by flying a different flag, and educate our neighbors when they ask us, "Why are you flying that flag instead of the contemporary stars and stripes?" (If you insist on posting a modern U.S.A. flag too, then get one that has been tea stained, to show your solidarity with our founders).
So let me see if I get this straight. If a liberal burns a flag in protest or because they feel certain actions taken by certain leaders have desecrated the American flag (which is what you are supposed to do), that is unpatriotic. But if you are an ill-informed useful idiot who can't stand nine months of a black man in office then it is perfectly okay to desecrate an American flag by staining it with tea? Is there no idea too idiotic for you to shill for Chuck, or did you run out of exercise machines to sell?
Here's my idea for spending the rest of the stimulus: We use it to exhume and reanimate Bruce Lee to knock the stupid out of you. What do you think? I think the tax payers would love it.
At first I was going to rip apart Kirk's hare-brained speech (Darwin thought up the big bang theory? Really?!?) but then I found that this young woman has done a much better job than I could ever have. That and her accent combined with her brain makes me harder than Chinese algebra. So enjoy, I know I will.
This is Michael Schwartz, a staffer for Senator Tom Colburn (R), who has stumbled upon a theory that puts that hack Charles Darwin to shame. I'd restate it myself, but I feel I lack the sheer brilliance and eloquence needed to convey such... brilliance? See what I mean? So I will let the heir to Stephen Hawking speak for himself. Via the Washington Independent:
“Pornography is a blight,” Schwartz told an audience in a crowded room of the Omni Shoreham hotel. “It is a disaster. It is one of those silent diseases in our society that we haven’t been able to overcome very well. Now, I may be getting politically incorrect here. And it’s been a few years, but not that many, since I was closely associated with pre-adolescent boys, boys around 10 years of age. But it is my observation that boys of that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality. And that’s because they don’t want to be that way. They don’t want to fall into it.”
Schwartz told the crowd about Jim Johnson, a friend of his who turned an old hotel into a hospice for gay men dying of AIDS. “One of the things he said to me,” said Schwartz, “that I think is an astonishingly insightful remark… he said ‘All pornography is homosexual pornography, because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards.”
There were murmurs and gasps from the crowd. “Now, think about that,” said Schwartz. “And if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants! You know, that’s a good comment, it’s a good point, and it’s a good thing to teach young people.”
Wow, so let me see if I get this straight (pardon the pun), those who watch a lot of pornography are more likely to be gay? Aside from being the douche bag of the week, this knob just may have to get a letter for me.
"I can't say enough how it's time that we get beyond and start focusing on this technology we have and move forward into the future so that our grandchildren can have the same lifestyle we have.
This Earth's been hear 6,000 years -- and I know I'm going on and on and I'll shut up -- it's been here 6,000 years, long before anybody had environmental laws, and somehow it hasn't been done away with.
We need to get the uranium here in Arizona so this state can get the money from it and the revenues from it. It can be done safely and you'll never even know the mine was there when they're done.
So I am for this."
Hmmmm... Where to start with such a grotesquely stupid statement? First, assuming the Earth is only 6000 years old, Uranium wasn't discovered until 1789 so that makes your statement only 5,780 years retarded by your dating standards. Second, we know the Earth is much older than that by measuring the radioactive decay of elements like Carbon 14, Rubidium, and URANIUM!!! Third, Uranium is normally found in low concentrations, and it only becomes a biological threat when mined in mass, increasing it's concentration, which if introduced to the water table is hazardous to life forms including the grandchildren and their quality of life you supposedly speak for. This is why creationists like you are dangerous and shouldn't be put in charge of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, let alone representing the state of Arizona.
So congratulations Senator Allen, your are this week's winner of the Douche bag Awards.
Yes, he really said that. It's like he is trying hard to earn the prestigious accolade of "Douche Bag of the Year again". A bit of advice Joe, you should avoid telling conservatives you are horny, especially considering half of them are christian literalists. You see, just having impure thoughts is just as much a sin executing them. Really, the J-man said so. And it might give them the wrong idea like you are a secret hedonist or worse yet a secret liberal... because you know that is all they think about is sex. Straight sex, gay sex, bi sex, drug induced sex, flag burning and communism.
Also, people in general might cringe at that thought of you being horny because, well it implies you have genitals... So basically what I am saying is don't go there.
Of course O'reilly, the supreme lord of the douche, takes the passage immediately out of context to put the author on the defensive. Heaven forbid we actually talk about marijuana like adults. Douchebaggary aside, I found this screen shot of the book interesting and a tad bit disturbing.
The mind reels from the sheer oxymoronic lunacy... Plumber Joe once again proves why I chose him as Douche Bag of the Year. Yes Joe, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...
I know everyone is sick of 2008 and the political circus that accompanied it, but every other site on the net has had some sort of award for the biggest freaks and losers of said year. So I thought "what the Hell, let's pretend we are the mainstream media, exhume a dead equine, and proceed to beat it senseless... er? So I have been thinking long and hard of who had the most potent vinegar cleansing aroma of 2008. Who could eliminate that not so fresh feeling... down there. I was about to give up until I learned that Joe the Plumber has decided that he is going to be a war correspondent. I shit you not. This no talent flash in the pan opportunistic hack is refusing to go away even though his shelf life is way past due. And what pray tell is this tax evading wannabe plumber's angle?
Samuel J. Wurzelbacher (WUR'-zuhl-bah-kur) says he'll spend 10 days covering the fighting.
He tells WNWO-TV in Toledo that he wants to let Israel's "'Average Joes' share their story."
I know what you are thinking. Can a faux plumber with zero press credentials maintain the integrity of today's scrupulous media? Well rest assured friends he has been preparing himself for this journalistic endeavor:
Ah you know I've just been studying new, everything that comes out on the news lately, um, trying to get uh, how to pronounciate some of the names, things like that.
Yes Joe, it might be a good idea to learn how to pronouciate names, but why stop there? You might even want to try pronounciating other words, like the names of cities, local expressions and while your at it, some words that hail from the English language: words like "pronounce". Joe, your stunning mastery of the English language surpasses that of standard idiocy and verges on the realm of art. Of course what is to be expected from a man who didn't believe in a tax cut plan that would have been ideal for him? So congratulations on this highest honor, an honor that comes but once a year. I would have bought you a thesaurus to mark the occasion, but I am guessing you don't believe in dinosaurs as well.
So there you have it. It doesn't matter if Al Quaeda wasn't there before King Dubya decided to invade on false pretenses. It doesn't matter that it was a major blow to U.S. credibilty or that 4000 plus soldiers are dead because of it... So what?
Absolutely incredible. How much of a flaming douche can one be? That was once a philosophical question that kept me awake at nights, but thankfully this lady appeared on television to settle this question once and for all.
This is the conservative base once again showing their true colors. Think about this when you vote today.
ELKO, Nev. - A man accused of trying to extort $500 from a Pizza Hut in Elko was foiled by his own cell phone camera. Police said a former employee of the restaurant allegedly called the manager on Friday and told him he had five Pizza Hut signs that are used on the roofs of vehicles and wouldn't return them unless he was paid $500.
Police said the manager wanted proof that Long had the signs. So the 23-year-old man sent him a cell phone picture that proved to be his undoing.
Officers were able to zoom in on license plate numbers of two vehicles in the background that are registered to the man.
He's been charged with extortion, possession of stolen property and grand larceny. Bail is set at $15,000.
Ok, where to start?
1. If you are going to risk going to jail for extortion, it should be worth it. Five hundred dollars isn't even enough to pay a month's worth of rent in most places.
2. If you are going to send photographic evidence that you have stolen property, don't take a picture that reveals your surroundings, property, or your vehicle period. The fact that this tool sent a picture that included his license plate is beyond stupid, which is why he has earned the title of Douche Bag of the Week.
Rightwing Radio shock jocks are not exactly known to be anything other than douche bags, but this outburst is a new level ofdouchbagery.
"Now, you want me to tell you my opinion on autism? ... A fraud, a racket."
[snip]
"Now, the illness du jour is autism. You know what autism is? I'll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is.
What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, 'Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, idiot.'"
Perhaps Mr. Savage needs to actually work with autistic children sometime. What's funny is how he goes on to talk about his father and how he would tell him if he was being an idot. My question to Mr. Savage: "Where is your father now when you obviously need him the most"?
"When Kucinich threw in the towel, now you have Edwards gone — who's going to carry the torch of democratic populism against the relentless domination of powerful corporations of our government?" Nader said. "You can't just brush these issues to the side because the candidates are ignoring them."
Looks like the Democratic race is heating up and getting the attention it deserves... Quick send in Nader!!!
Nader also rejects the "spoiler" label many Democrats have applied to him since 2000, when his candidacy was blamed in some circles for helping defeat Democratic candidate Al Gore.
"That is the sign of political bigotry," he said. "Why aren't the major candidates spoilers? They represent parties that spoil our electoral system and our government."
Well here is the thing Ralph. Edwards and Kucinich dropped out of the race because they knew they were not going to win. Unlike you they realize that the Republican party must be stopped in order to engage in progressive politics on a national level. Instead you cling on knowing you have a snowball's chance in Hell at winning, and people that would Democratic but are too idealistic, vote for you and the sweet nothings you whisper in their ears.
You know, nothing brings out more Christmas cheer during the holidays than a bunch of tone deaf partisans turning moronic X-mas tune into list of humorless baseless accusations (troop funding cuts, burning paychecks, increased taxing and speading... the usual phantasms of the right) of what would happen should a Democrat win the 2008 election.
The very same guy who was bat shit crazy enough to claim that global warming is a hoax perpetrated by the Weather Channel, is now claiming that Anderson Cooper is name calling and threatening him in his new special Planet in Peril. The only thing Anderson Cooper is guilty of is bringing up James Inhofe's name. Perhaps "Inhofe" is so synonymous with ignorance that it has become a derogatory term. If that is the case then, he is guilty, otherwise you are just a...
