Asstectomy

Cross posted from my personal poetry site

Asstectomy

Outside of a Denny’s in Point Loma
the sun was rising.
Inside a waitress,
horn-billed glasses and an Afro circa 1979.
She reminded me of a phone operator that was pictured in my seventh grade science book.
She brought me my coffee, eggs, pancakes, and bacon.
As she walked away I noticed her ass.
I was surprised I had not noticed it before.
Perhaps it was because I finally had my food.
Or maybe I noticed because it had eclipsed the rising sun.
It was massive…
Had a minor gravitational field
that disrupted the formation of my silverware.

There has to be a surgery for that.

It wasn’t just the diameter that struck me as odd.
It violated the laws of physics.
Despite its sheer mass,
It did not sag.
Quite the contrary,
the northern hemisphere crawled up into her lumbar region.
Very unsettling.

After her third revolution of the restaurant, my salt & pepper shakers had drifted off the table.
Where as the saltshaker had incinerated after crashing into the atmosphere,
the pepper had been spared
and just fell into orbit with the other satellites.

There has to be a surgery for that.

Her fourth and final revolution failed to yield coffee.
By then it had doubled in size
and was approaching critical mass.
Coffee cups, sugar, sugar substitute packets, and Spanish speaking busboys now littered the air
as I bobbed and weaved the deadly debris.

Reality was perceptively stretching,
the busboys were in red shift,
as the table and booth I was in
ripped right out of the ground.
We were all hurdling towards oblivion as
time came to a screeching halt…

Oh my God, it’s full of stars!!!

Mildly Brilliant Update: 4/28/07

My grandmother died six days ago, on my birthday. Her funeral was held two days ago on my brother's birthday. Needless to say, neither of us recieved a cake or party.

I am numb, as I watched my grandmother die. I held her hand, and know exactly when she passed.

When her hand turned into meat, I knew.

Grandpa cried, kissed, and rubbed the arm of her corpse for the next hour.

Death is ugly, and my grandmother looked like a shell of herself;
her dentures out and her hair no longer permed or rolled.
I had never seen a family member die, but that wasn't what got me...

I had never seen my grandfather cry.

Checking in on my grandpa I caught him trying to close her mouth
and I lost my composure.

The whole thing has exhausted me and I find myself checking up on my grandfather daily.

No matter when I visit it is the same.
Face forward, staring towards the television,
but the T.V. isn't on.

Today I bought him a sandwich.
Four hours later he asked me if my aunt had bought it for him.

When the world turns Napoleon,
it is hard to smile and pretend it is Neopolitan.
Yet he does it for his fans.
But behind close doors he spirals into oblivion.

Deep down we all know a bird cannot fly with one wing,
nor can an angel for that matter.

Hang Nail

In between the car wreck of reasons that I call my thought process,
I noticed there was blood on the "A" key.
Apparently, it is true alcohol thins the blood,
so I removed myself from the computer
and located the last sheet of toilet paper in the world.

Back at the keyboard,
I couldn't help thinking how fucked I would be if I were a hemophiliac.
But my lot was different,
especially when it came to general health.

But aside from predispositions and genetics,
we all make decisions.
Some good,
some bad,
and some so stupid you can't even blame it on alcohol or drug use.

A hang nail, well... not a nail really, but a piece of partially dead skin,
was hanging off my pinky.
My bad decision
was not forgetting it.

Derranged Receptionists Encouraging Alcoholism

Past the rednecks engaging in metaphorical measuring of their members,
an act involving numerous ball colliding on felt
fueled by barley & hops,
her sillouette comes into focus... Almost.
For how can a lense repeatedly smudged by the finger prints of the ignorant
and careless see anything?
Let alone her?

Yet, there she is, recognizable,
Thought I hardly know her.
It would seem unparalleled energy detested unrivaled lethargy,
as conductors have no need for broken watches.

Yet, like a pummeled pugilist swinging at an opponent he no longer can see
I lash out attempting to catch anything
that might continue the conversation...
In hopes she might be looking to procure a malfunctioning time piece.

A Good Reason to Drink

I went looking for her tonight, I went to the bar I said I wouldn't.
She wasn't there.
Just the usual drunken assholes,
and the mandatory drunken bald guy that is just too damn fixated on my hair.

I hate this town.

This bar disgusts me, evidence we need another deluge to wash away the refuse.
She works here though, and
she is good at doing what she does.
If you are lucky you will catch the subtleties of her,
like I have.

Bangs sticking to the corners of her lips,
her speech has been clocked at 754 mph.
Points of interest include,
but are not limited to:
Serial killers, medicine, liquor, wine,
and kung fu movies...

She makes me harder than chinese algebra.