Friday, January 09, 2009

Douche Bag of the Year

I know everyone is sick of 2008 and the political circus that accompanied it, but every other site on the net has had some sort of award for the biggest freaks and losers of said year. So I thought "what the Hell, let's pretend we are the mainstream media, exhume a dead equine, and proceed to beat it senseless... er? So I have been thinking long and hard of who had the most potent vinegar cleansing aroma of 2008. Who could eliminate that not so fresh feeling... down there. I was about to give up until I learned that Joe the Plumber has decided that he is going to be a war correspondent. I shit you not. This no talent flash in the pan opportunistic hack is refusing to go away even though his shelf life is way past due. And what pray tell is this tax evading wannabe plumber's angle?
Samuel J. Wurzelbacher (WUR'-zuhl-bah-kur) says he'll spend 10 days covering the fighting.

He tells WNWO-TV in Toledo that he wants to let Israel's "'Average Joes' share their story."

I know what you are thinking. Can a faux plumber with zero press credentials maintain the integrity of today's scrupulous media? Well rest assured friends he has been preparing himself for this journalistic endeavor:
Ah you know I've just been studying new, everything that comes out on the news lately, um, trying to get uh, how to pronounciate some of the names, things like that.

Yes Joe, it might be a good idea to learn how to pronouciate names, but why stop there? You might even want to try pronounciating other words, like the names of cities, local expressions and while your at it, some words that hail from the English language: words like "pronounce". Joe, your stunning mastery of the English language surpasses that of standard idiocy and verges on the realm of art. Of course what is to be expected from a man who didn't believe in a tax cut plan that would have been ideal for him? So congratulations on this highest honor, an honor that comes but once a year. I would have bought you a thesaurus to mark the occasion, but I am guessing you don't believe in dinosaurs as well.

Vintage Douche

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