Thursday, August 23, 2007

Brown Sugar

Dear Condoleezza,

It seems  we have some common interests, at least according to a recent Forbes Article. Perhaps we could spend some time together and really get to know one another. I've been looking for a special girl like you - a girl I can cuddle with while watching monday night football. Someone with whom to take romantic strolls along the beach and to share romantic candle lit dinners. I think there is so much we could discover together.

I look into the subtle shiftiness of your eyes and my heart just melts - those are the eyes of love. Those eyes say a lot about you. They say you are adventurous and romantic and that you like to try new things.  Feltching perhaps?  No not you, you are too sophisticated for such an act reserved for commoners.  I envision you playing Moonlight sonata, followed by a rousing encore of your favorite John Tesh piece whilst an underling of your choice flogs me for being insubordinate.  That's when you step in, or should I say step on... as in my testicles with those all too sexy dominatrix boots you love to wear, ripping off your corporate-fascist dress revealing your crotchless panties and all leather sportsbra.  While I beg for your forgiveness you strap on your finest John Holmes replica member and proceed to savagely test the limits of my prostate while reciting pros from Milton Friedman. 

This doesn't have to just be a dream. Together we can make the special light of love glow. I long for the day you chain me to the toilet, squat over me and defecate on my face, telling me my mother is a whore. I eagerly await your reply my love, my saucy little Condi. Until then I will have this article to accompany me through the long, lonely nights.
Take care my love and may God bless.

Faithfully yours,
Bennington Williams III Esq.

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