Mildly Brilliant

So this boy (actually he is 18, but still a boy in my eyes) who works at one of the stores I clean at night finds me on my hands and knees trying to get a black streak out that has been scratched into the wax. He mocks me by yelling:

"Yeah!!!! Get that stain!!!"

I just ignore him because I am trying to keep my blood pressure and bloodlust down these days. He then proceeds to ask me:

"Do you really enjoy your job?"

Stupid people either think I can't spot their condescension or that I am afraid to call them out, so I smile looking up at him and say:

"You know, people have this misconception that ninja dressed in black pajamas all the time and nothing could be farther from the truth. In most cases they dressed as the imperial gardeners. Why? because no one cares what conversations are held within ear shot of the lowly gardeners. And when someone was poisoned or their throat was slashed; no one suspected the guy trimming the hedges… Besides, I make four dollars an hour more than you."

For some reason he didn't have a retort or any more asinine questions for me. I wonder why?

I absolutely despise chain letters. There is no quicker way for a steaming pile of disinformation to travel. People love their gossip, and there is no faster way to travel in the information age than e-mail. Enter the chain letter: Generally a clumsily written piece of fiction asserting "too good to be true" claims that claims to be written by a person that "this actually happened to". Despite the fact that almost everyone who has ever been on Internet knows of at least one search engine, only a small percentage of people actually copy and past segments from chain letters to check on their validity.

As you may have already guessed, I make it a habit to debunk chain letters and various bird droppings of disinformation on social media sites that my friends and family frequent, and unfortunately, propagate. Every once in a blue moon though, I get a chain e-mail that originally came from the source that it claims to have come from. This is the case with Lou Pritchett's open letter to Obama". While it does originate from Lou, it does contain a bunch fear-mongering, hyperbole, and downright disinformation: not to mention it was originally written sometime in 2009, but is still passed around to this day to make points in political arguments. So when I got this in my inbox I decided it was high time I wrote an open letter to Lou Pritchett:

Dear Lou Pritchett,

I have been getting an open letter sent to me by friends and family that claims to be written by you. According to urban legends section of about.com it is. You make some pretty outrageous claims and raise some very anxious questions like I would like to respond to. So as not to take you out of context, I am leaving you letter intact but in bold font to differentiate from my responses and addressing each line point by point:

AN OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

"Dear President Obama:

You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me."

So Nixon saying "when the President does it, that means that it is not illegal", which means he believed he was above the Constitution, that didn't truly scare you?

"You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you."

Maybe you should read a magazine or watch something on T.V. besides Fox "News" because it isn't exactly like the guy hasn't been thoroughly vetted and talked about on a daily basis for four years now.

"You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support."

It's called a scholarship. Some of us little people who work hard scholastically get them from time to time. His wife is a successful lawyer as well, and believe it or not there are other successful African American families out there besides the Huxtables, and their origins of wealth aren't clandestine.

"You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American."

Ooooo… He grew up for a couple of years in Indonesia… OOooooooo… He can't possibly be American. We get it, you're exploiting some peoples xenophobic tendencies by suggesting his "otherness" over and over; whether it claiming his Birth Certificate is a forgery, or that his real name is Barry Soetoro. I get it, you think he is not one of us.

"You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.

Really? I don't seem recall that being criteria for being President of the United States of America. Maybe because isn't. Oh and by the way: his job is to run a government, not a business.

"You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core."

Again, not a requirement. Bill Clinton didn't serve in the military and this country was prosperous for his two terms.

"You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others."

Wow, that's a pretty nice claim you got there. Why didn't you do the classy thing and offer a quote or something? Perhaps because you were pulling it out of your ass? Speaking of humility, did you notice how ommitted the two paragraphs talking about yourself at the beginning of the letter?

"You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail."

Show me these radical extremists he is supposedly aligning with "who wish to see America fail." Are you sure you aren't taking a preacher's words out of context and hyperventilating? Because that is what it sounds like.

"You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad."

Critiquing social injustices or wanting to change undesirable elements of our country doesn't mean one is part of the "Blame Amerca" crowd. It just means one lives in reality and realizes that things don't change if problems aren't addressed.

"You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector."

You mean where the government actually governs business like it is supposed too? Or are you talking about the GM bailout that was successful?

"You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one."

You mean the mandate for everyone to purchase healthcare from existing private healthcare that was originally proposed by Republican Presidential candidate Bob Dole in 1993? Hmmm, when I say it like that it sounds less like some secret soviet plot then when you do. I wonder why that is?

"You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves."

Yes because developing technologies that harness the free energy radiating from sun is a stupid idea. Can you believe they gave some Einstein a Nobel Peace Prize for such a goofy idea?

"You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world."

Do you have any proof to back up this hyperbole? I didn't think so.

"You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations."

And what extortion tactics are these? Proof would be nice, because as far as the rest of us in reality are concerned, the banks are doing just fine.

"You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals."

You know something I noticed? Republicans think Democrats like to spend more money than Republicans even though the Congressional Budget Office says otherwise. It's rather odd because the CBO is saying that Obama has the lowest spending President since Dwight D. Eisenhower. It would seem someone is lying here.

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.

You mean like when Obama bent over backwards for Republican Senator Chuck Grassley only for him to vote against his own provision?

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.

Oh you have proof that he believes that right? Or are you engaging in a strawman argument?

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.

Ah the old "librul media" canard. Even your leaders admit it is so:
"I admit it : The liberal media were never that powerful and the whole thing was often used as an excuse by conservatives for conservative failures." --William Kristol

"I've gotten balanced coverage and broad coverage - all we could have asked. ... For heaven sakes, we kid about the liberal media, but every republican on earth does that." --Pat Buchanan
"You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view."

Again, I ask for proof. As far as a sane person can tell, FOX is still on the air and all those personalities are still telling their lies unabated. Obama has not proposed doing anything to them at all. You talk a big game, but you lack in points.

"You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing."

Huh? do you think before you type? What the hell do you think the government is there for? From Merriam-Westbster's online dictionary:
gov·ern verb \ˈgə-vərn\ Definition of GOVERN transitive verb 1 a : to exercise continuous sovereign authority over; especially : to control and direct the making and administration of policy in b : to rule without sovereign power and usually without having the authority to determine basic policy 2 a archaic : manipulate b : to control the speed of (as a machine) especially by automatic means 3 a : to control, direct, or strongly influence the actions and conduct of b : to exert a determining or guiding influence in or over [income must govern expenditure] c : to hold in check : restrain 4 : to require (a word) to be in a certain case 5 : to serve as a precedent or deciding principle for

"Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years."

Yes because he has ramrodded legislation like the Patriot Act which has watered down many of our rights... Oh wait, that was the previous administration. If you are so concerned about your eroding civil liberties, why weren't you voicing your concerns during the Bush Administration?

Ok that pretty much wraps up your letter. It appears you are a very anxious man considering that you wrote "you scare me" twenty times in your letter. I suggest getting a night light and stop listening to crap from the John Birch Society.

Sincerely,

D.W. from Mildly Brilliant